The Bend Area
Churches
The Pastor's Marriage Covenant
Marriage Policy
Signed: Sunday February 14, 1999
Our desire as ministers in Central Oregon is to foster lasting marital unions under God, and to establish successful spiritual families. Pastors perform most marriages, and we are troubled by the extremely high divorce rate nationwide. Our commitment is to help radically reduce the divorce rate among those married in our churches.
It is the responsibility of pastors to set Biblical standards and minimal requirements to raise the quality of commitment in those we marry. We believe that couples who seriously participate in premarital counseling will have a better understanding of what the marriage commitment involves. As servants of God, acting on His behalf, we feel it is our responsibility to encourage couples to set aside time for marriage preparation, in addition to concentrating on wedding plans. We acknowledge that a wedding is but a day; a marriage is for a lifetime.
Spiritual Basis
"What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder"
Matthew 19:6
(see Malachi 2: 13-16; Ephesians 5)
God has established and sanctified marriage for the welfare and happiness of human family. For this reason our Savior has declared that a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. By His apostles, He has instructed those who enter into this relation to cherish a mutual esteem and love; to share in each other's infirmities and weaknesses; to comfort each other in sickness, trouble, and sorrow; to provide for each other and for their household; to pray with and encourage each other, to live together as heirs of the grace of life; and to raise children, if there are any, in the knowledge and love of the Lord. We believe, therefore, that divorce was never an option in God's plan for marriage, and is in fact contrary to his plan. Divorce became an unfortunate consequence of the failure of men and women to fully embrace and enjoy marriage as instituted by God.
Implementation: These are the minimum expectations.
A. Waiting Period: Under ordinary circumstances, a minimum of three (3) months from the initial marital appointment until the wedding date.
B. Premarital Counseling: Minimum of three (3) sessions that should cover at least the following critical issues in marriage: God's plan for marriage, their spiritual relationship, communication, conflict resolutions skills, financial management, household budgeting and intimacy in marriage.
We further encourage churches to develop or utilize resources for singles that address issues relating to dating, selecting a spouse, and friendship, which would help prepare them for the premarital process.
In circumstances involving blended families (step families), special premarital preparation is recommended in the form of workshops, seminars or counseling to address the unique challenges of blending families following deaths of spouses or divorce.
C. Postmarital: We commit ourselves to help troubled marriages, and enrich new marriages.
- Troubled Marriages. For troubled marriages, we recommend pastoral counseling and/or providing referrals to existing Biblically based ministries, seminars, or counselors depending upon the need, and develop ministries or seminars dedicated to reconciling the marital relationship. It is recommended that current ministry/seminar resources and schedules be kept at church offices for ready referrals.
- Counselors. We recommend that counselors be interviewed by the local church to ensure Christian commitment, doctrinal integrity, personal membership in a church, church involvement (such as small groups, home cell church, specific ministries), and philosophy on long vs. short term counseling.
- Newly marrieds. We recommend attendance at a marriage retreat or enrichment seminar within the first two years of marriage, and mentoring by equipped, spiritually mature couples.
D. Scriptural References Teach Biblical doctrines on morality, marriage, and divorce. Encourage couples to memorize key verses on marriage. Scriptural references may include: Genesis 1 and 2; Deuteronomy 24; Proverbs, Malachi 2, Matthew 5, Matthew 1 9, Mark 1 0, Luke 16, 1 Corinthians 6 and 7, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, Hebrews 5 and 13, and 1 Peter 3.
Optional Helps:
We encourage churches ' to develop or partner with other churches or organizations that have the resources to offer the following marriage ministries:
A. Pre-Engagement Sessions: Prior to announcing the engagement we recommend at least one (c) counseling session to help the couple understand the seriousness of this commitment and all it involves.
B. Engagement Seminar: Encourage couples to participate in a concentrated period of joint introspection, and provide resource lists of recommended engagement seminars.
C. Mentor Couples: Seek to provide as needed a mature married couple to meet with premarital or newly married couples to provide Biblically based mentoring and accountability. For newly married couples are recommend that mentor couples' meet with them at least four times during their first year of marriage. Churches are encouraged to provide or network with other churches to obtain training and refresher training for mentor couples.
The Pastors’ Covenant
To substantially reduce the divorce rate in our area, and to promote God's plan for marriage, I covenant to:
A. Build successful spiritual families;
B. Follow scripture and to implement these minimum preparations for the couples that I marry;
C. Cooperate and communicate with other spiritual leaders to ensure and encourage couples to seriously participate in premarital preparation;
D. Teach and counsel singles and young people that sexual intimacy is a God-given blessing for a married man and woman only, and that any sexual intimacy outside of marriage is a sin and will cause subsequent relationship difficulties.
E. Teach and counsel that reconciliation with God and spouse should be the first priority of either party in a troubled marriage relationship. 'All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation" (2 Corinthians 5:18).
